Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Hard Knocks

The last few days have been long for me. I ditched work at 9:30 on Monday and came home and slept slept slept. My hubby had to call and wake me up. Man did I feel like complete CRAP. It felt good to catch up on sleep and all, but then I was so stiff from sleeping that I waddled around like an old lady for the rest of the night. I have been having braxtons still, so I am going to talk to my doctor about them tonight... I feel kind of weird asking him to check my cervix though. It's silly, I know, it just feels funny being like, "Hey doc, would you mind cramming your fingers in my vajayjay? I feel like this kid is falling out."
Check please!
Nothing really new going on. Sent my lawyer an email this morning and she hasn't heard from Craig yet. Big shocker. If we have to go to court over this, it is going to run into real money. I am worried about that.
The only thing I am really stoked about right now is TWILIGHT COMES OUT FRIDAY! WOOHOOOOOO!!! I am obsessed right now!! Robert Pattinson is so HOT!


So THIS is why we haven't heard from Craig yet...

Wisconsin Circuit Court Access (WCCA)
Return to Case 2008CM001496
Printable Version (PDF)

State of Wisconsin vs. Craig R. Ransom

Winnebago County Case Number 2008CM001496

The Defendant was charged with the following offense:
Count No. Statute Cite Description Severity Offense Date Plea
1 943.01(1) Criminal Damage to Property Misd. A 07-20-2008 No Contest on 11-05-2008
On 11-05-2008 there was a finding of:
Action Court Official
Guilty Due to No Contest Plea Key, Barbara

On 11-05-2008 the following was ordered:
Sentence Time Begin Date Notes
Local Jail - Imposed and Stayed 60 Days consecutive with good time and huber.
Probation, Sent Imposed 1 Years
Condition Time Notes
Costs Bond applied, balance returned to surety.
Drug Treatment AODA assessment and followup.
Prohibitions No use or possession of controlled substances, unless prescribed by a physican. No possession of drug paraphernalia. No intoxicants.
Other Counseling, evaluations and assessments as appropriate and followup. Pay supervision fees as determined by the Department of Corrections. Defendant to Submit to Random Urinalysis. Defendant shall maintain absolute sobriety. Defendant shall comply with anger management assessment as deemed appropriate.
Alcohol assessment AODA assessment and followup.
Restitution Restitution to be determined by the District Attorney within 30 days, any objections to be filed within 10 days of notice of determination.

The Defendant was charged with the following offense:
Count No. Statute Cite Description Severity Offense Date Plea
2 947.01 Disorderly Conduct Misd. B 07-20-2008
On 11-05-2008 there was a finding of:
Action Court Official
Dismissed on Prosecutor's Motion Key, Barbara

Kristi Rufener

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Hey, I Felt That!

It would seem that I popped out overnight!
Last night at my moms, her friend just kept staring at me saying she couldn't believe the difference between Halloween and now. Its a cute belly though! A cute belly that gets me in trouble though... This morning at the drive thru I had just put out the window when I bumped the button with my belly and started pulling the window- and my customers arm- back in to the bank! Lucky for me, she laughed off the fact that she could be missing a limb. I'm glad SOME people have a sense of humor.
My mom felt the baby kick last night. It is getting to the point that I don't just feel kicks, I can feel when she rearranges herself to get more comfortable. I get amused when I point that out to my husband-
"Babe! I am one hundred percent sure that was just an elbow! Unless it was a foot..."
Instead of the giving tree this year, my mom and I corraborated and decided to "adopt" a family. The reason for this is that I have been increasingly disappointed in the items that are asked for on the giving tree. Can you believe I read a tag one year asking for XBOX 360 games??? Oh yeah, pretty sure that kid is hurting for toys come Christmas.
There is a lady I have come to know really well this past year at my job that I love to death. When I first started, her and her family were doing okay. She was excited because her husband finally had a prosthetic leg (he lost his on the job site for a landscaping company when a mower ran it over), and she was starting a new job. Well now their disability rights keep getting stomped on, and they aren't even looking at a court date until July of '09, and they are slowly slipping behind. I thought to myself, this is a family who REALLY knows what it is like to have nothing. Now I want them to feel like they have something.
Her and I have a lunch date tomorrow, and I am going to throw her a proposal HOPEFULLY without offending her, or making her feel crappy. I'm not going to tell her it is my own family that is adopting her, just that someone I know has taken a special interest and wants to make sure they have a real Christmas this year.
The season REALLY is about the giving to me- growing up my sister and I had everything we could ever ask for. Even now there is nothing that I personally want for myself for Christmas. I have everything I want and need. That being said, I honestly feel like the best thing I can do this year is just give back and not expect anything.
I am having a huge jewelry bash on December 6th to raise money for my daughters adoption. Kevin and I are looking at a lawyer tab of about $1500 after all is said and done- and that is just IF Bekah's biological dad does the right thing and signs the papers without a struggle.
Other than that, nothing else is happening in Kristi Rufener's neighborhood.
Sometimes I prefer if there is nothing going on. It could always be worse!

Kristi Rufener

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Facebook: The NEW Reality

I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who reads this faithfully, even if IT is to help you fall asleep. I really appreciate all the comments and support. Sometimes it's nice to know there are people listening, even if they are your deepest most private thoughts.

My mommy list phrase of the day is this:

"You will be amazed at what color cheetos turn a green microsuede couch- but even more impressed at how whenever you do laundry you can throw in three hundred socks and still only come up with two matching pairs. You will also be amazed that you don't hesitate to put a purple sock with a yellow on a school day."

I was home this morning for a better part of the day because my daughter wasn't feeling well. I took that time to have a real breakfast (pancakes and eggs with orange juice) and to clean the kitchen.

After she started feeling better, dad carted her off to school and I was home alone. Rachel called me up and told me she had finally received the pictures from her wedding, so I sat down to go through some of them. While I was checking pictures, I also started browsing Facebook, since I haven't been on there in ages... Literally since about August. I saw someone on I haven't talked to in a while, so I took the time to say hi. Not even thirty seconds into the conversation, I was bombarded with questions about Craig. Does he see his daughter, does his daughter call Kevin dad, et cetera. I finally got pissed enough that I just typed the truth:
Kevin IS Bekah's dad; in EVERY way that counts.
She quickly typed in that she had to go back to work.
I knew I didn't miss people that much... there is usually a reason I don't talk to someone for a long period of time.
I have been blamed for the situation from the beginning. It turns out Craig has been blaming the whole thing on me. I am the reason he hasn't seen his daughter, I am the reason he is a dead beat. PUH-leeeeeeze.
I am SO DAMN SICK AND TIRED of having to defend myself to people I shouldn't have to. There is nothing interesting that is happening to them, so they try to make drama for me? I'm not having it. In fact, I can't wait to see what sort of shit hits the fan when Craig gets his letter in the mail. I can't wait to see what kind of horrible mother I am for asking him to do the right thing.
So after thoroughly depressing myself on that STUPID website (and after having decided NOT to visit it again for another six months or so) I emailed my mom whining.
She gave it to me straight- something I LOVE about my mother.
She said:
Why are you mad? This is what your dad and I told you would happen. You ARE doing the right thing. Kevin is a wonderful father, you both are lucky to have him.

Why does it seem like it only takes one person to ruin a whole day for you?

Well, lucky for me, it usually only takes one person to fix it as well.

So lets hear it for moms today. Menders of broken hearts, kissers of scraped knees, and queens of the laundry piles.

There is no other word in the English language that carries as much meaning as the word Mother.

Kristi Rufener

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

And She Used the Word THREATEN!

My item to add to the mommy list is this today:

"You gag when other kids puke, but don't hesitate to catch it with both hands when you see your own child about to lose it in someone else's Escalade."

For any of you that don't know the situation between Rebekah's biological father and I, here is the dee ell:

Craig and I dated briefly in high school. He always made me laugh, and was always nice. His family was a little on the "poor" side, but I never thought much of it at the time. He has two little sisters named Angela and Bailey, and one older brother named David, who has a child of his own.

Here comes the part of the story that gets a little wild- during the time that we were dating, I was on the pill form of birth control. We used protection. I got pregnant.

My mom knew before I did; which, come to find out later in life, is actually NOT an uncommon thing. She begged me to consider other options such as abortion (no, I did not in any way just say that she WANTED me to have one, she just wanted me to think about it since I was only 16 at the time). She would tell me later that while I was sobbing on the kitchen counter that I told her I could never do that to "her".

My daughter was a four week old fetus at the time.

Telling my parents I was keeping my baby was the hardest thing I have EVER had to do. My parents sat down with Craig and I, and we discussed the whole thing, after which Craig himself tried to talk me into an abortion. I gave him the ultimate- it is MY body, and it is MY decision. I don't care who disagrees with that. I also told him if he wanted to leave that I could do it on my own.

Months went by, and I rode the rollercoaster of emotions that comes with pregnancy amplified by the fact that my dad wasn't speaking to me much, and that I felt like I wasn't really "allowed" to be excited about this baby I was carrying who kicked me for the first time at midnight on my birthday.

After Bekah was born, I was thrown into the most eye opening experience of my life; the Wisconsin court system. They bullied me into telling them who Bekah's father was since he didn't sign the birth certificate at the hospital. When I gave them the information and we went to court, Craig surprised me by demanding a paternity test. That was the point I lost ALL respect for him. I was with him 24/7 and he had the nerve to demand something like that? Once paternity was established (sorry, no Jenny Jones or Jerry Springer storyline here) they enforced child support and Craig demanded visitation. Up until that point he had only seen her a handful of times since she was born. And every time he would come see her, he would spend that time holding her and screaming at me. I spent so many nights awake worrying if she was old enough to pick up on the tension between us. I told the court that I was concerned about his instability and his anger issues, but they brushed me off and awarded him 4 hours of supervised visitation a week.

We haven't seen him since. Who won that war?

Fast forward two years and Kevin comes back into my life. Here is this "boy" barely out of high school who jumped into this relationship (to be fair, we have known each other our entire lives, and even "dated" back in junior high) with a two year old and picked up like nothing had ever happened. This was a guy who didn't even WANT kids, and now wants more of them!!

We were together for three years before we got married and will be celebrating our fourth year together this January.

Soon after we were married, Kevin started pushing to adopt Bekah. This I was nervous about, considering I didn't even know how to go about finding Craig since we hadn't seen or heard from him in over five years. Hubby was adamant though, and rightfully so. It turns out that even though we are married, since he is not legally her father he has no say in any medical issues that might come up with her. So I agreed to meet with a lawyer, which brings us to today.

We met with her last night- her name is Jessica, and she is actually a customer of mine at the bank I work at! She was very nice and reassuring. Our first step is to dictate a letter to Craig offering him an "out"; we will erase the back child support he owes, and relieve him of any future responsibilities if he signs over his rights. Otherwise, we are suing him for complete custody and higher payments INLCUDING his back child support. The word she used instead of suing was threaten though. I knew I liked her!

The only concern I have is that he could fight this and we could end up with a mess. I asked her flat out what his chances of seeing her are if he fights it, and it turns out they are pretty minimal. Even if he DOES fight it, there is no way he can afford a lawyer, AND he is an insulin dependant diabetic who doesn't even take care of himself.

I know how harsh I sound, but honestly I don't care. He had FIVE YEARS to try to pick up the pieces he spread around. And I am sick of the lies about how I stopped him from seeing her. So here is the truth once and for all:

He is a sorry excuse for a human being who no longer deserves to see her EVER again. He couldn't pick his own child out in a crowd. He wasn't there for her first step, first tooth, and he certainly didn't sit up with her all night when she was sick.

The total fee for this whole thing?

Child Support: $147 every two weeks.
Lawyer fees: $600-$1500
Knowing your daughter has a last name and a family she can be proud of?

Kristi Rufener

Monday, November 10, 2008

Lived and Learned... And Paragraphed!

Whew, people! I survived the weekend of blundering Wisconsin fools! The snow didn't stick, but damn was it COLD this morning!! When I think about how cold it is going to get, I also like to think about how for a good portion of it I will be toasty at home with my newborn! HA!
Speaking of babies, I have been thinking and perfecting my "mother knows best list".
For those of you that require a further explanation, let me spin it to you this way.
Do you remember every time you got mad at your parents in high school and said, "Man, I am NEVER going to make my kids do that!". It is sort of like that... Except this particular list is a list of things that I have learned from the first baby that I won't do with this baby, or things I have leaned along the way.
For instance:
1. I won't make the false assumption that if I hold her too long she will get spoiled.
2. There ARE more important things than having to do laundry on a day off, and it won't be the end of the world if my child has to wear the same socks two days in a row.
3. Organic? Please. She can puke just as easily on 1000 thread count egyptian cotton made in America with no chemicals added sheets than she can on plain old Carter's burp bibs. Just trust me on that one.
4. It really IS kind of cool that they can make formula smell like THAT.
5. So what if I don't shower for three days? If my 1 month old doesn't care, than neither do I. So sit somewhere else.
6. HECK YES if she pees her pants on purpose she can sit in them for a few minutes. There is a valuable lesson in pee pants!
7. The $60 outfit IS cute, but how cute is it with a poop stain up the back that you can't get out?
8. Contrary to "popular" belief, I am NOT a bad mother if I forget to wipe off the ketchup stain from her chicken nugget happy meal, don't change her diaper within five minutes of her soiling it, let her run around outside in her diaper in the sprinkler with her big sister, or let her shampoo her barbies hair.
9. I am also not a bad mother if I even buy her a chicken nugget happy meal, or plop her in front of the t.v. for an hour to nap.
10. She doesn't care if you spend $10 or $100 on her for her first birthday. In fact, she is going to like the box a million times more than the Baby Einstein brain stimiluating ulta comfortable bouncer.
11. There is nothing more important than saying I love you- even if you have to force it out between clenched teeth and a red face because you just caught her in the bathroom coating herself with the jar of vaseline.
12. Maybe the most important thing of all- TAKE PICTURES! Even if you find the baby cereal dumped out in the living room to make a swimming pool- it's not funny NOW, but I guarantee a half a year down the road you will have tears streaming out of your eyes you will be laughing so hard.
13. Hug often and cuddle constantly... before they are too big to.

That's what I have so far! I am thinking about adding one a day as a sort of Mommy Mantra. Tell me what you think.

I had an issue with my daughter this weekend- it seems my five year old has her first dilemma.
She hasn't been her usually bouncy self- she has been withdrawn and sullen. I finally had it with her last night and asked her WHAT on EARTH her problem was... and she started all out sobbing telling me she thought I would love Charlotte (the baby) more.
I tell you people, it broke my heart that my daughter would think that!! It made me realize how much talking we have been doing about the new baby, and sort of "neglecting" her. All she needed to do was talk about it, but to rid myself of my guilt I had to run out and buy a Baby Alive Learns To Potty.
After dropping a cool hundred bucks at Toys R Us, I came to this startling realization...
Man, does my five year old ever know how to play me.

Kristi Rufener

Friday, November 7, 2008

Do I HAVE to Edit the Swear Words???

Oh frick.
Frickidy frickidy frick.
It's snowing.
Snow, people. You know what snow is around here?? It is swirling cocaine that falls from the sky. I call it that because whenever it starts in Wisconsin, its like all the assholes out on the road get "high" and forget how to drive. EVERY YEAR. Without fail. I can set my watch to it. People who live here their entire lives and still forget how to drive in winter. Its like they see a flake and that activates the automatic swerving mechanism in their brains. OH SHIT OH SHIT! DODGE THE FRICKING SNOWFLAKES!
Are you KIDDING me?!?
Can I be outraged?? Damn right! It took my ten minutes to go four miles because the road is wet. It's not below 35 outside- so everything is melting, nothing is sticking, but grandma in front of me is going to have a heart attack before she gets to wherever the hell she is going. My guess is Florida. Fuck this snow, she is OUTTA here. Go granny go.
Hubby's parents are taking us out tonight for birthday dinner. I get to pick where we go. Woot. Honestly, I am feeling REALLY pouty today. Can't tell you why. My mom says its hormones. I told her the ground isn't frozen yet- I can still bury her.
I am a little jealous though, I will admit it... My OTHER sister in law's shower is the 29th of November, and she isn't due until the week after me... but me? I get my shower less than four weeks before I am due. That is a major downer to me. Now I am concerned and stressed about getting thank yous done and having gifts washed and put away. I am slow and lazy, and it is hard to keep up that image when I actually have to get in gear and DO stuff... trust me, doing stuff is overrated. Give me a bag of chips and set me in front of the tele during a House marathon.
Hugh Laurie....guuuuurgle....

Kristi Rufener

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Blizzard of Odd...

Want to hear something gross???

So yesterday I was sitting here and my coworker comes over and says he smells something funny by our fireplace. (This is a BRAND new bank, not even six months old building yet) and I go over and almost throw up it was so gross. I emailed our boss about it who came out and thought it was a drain downstairs and mentioned buying some bleach and pouring it in. Men sometimes. Here is my problem with that- my coworker found out which room the smell was coming from so I went down to investigate and when I opened the door to that room it was like a brick wall hit me- the stench was so bad! It smelled like sewage to me! When I went back upstairs and talked to my boss, I told him I didn't think it was a drain at all. I told him I thought it was the sewer pipes that ran through there. He didn't believe me, but he called the building designers and they came this morning. Turns out I was right- we had been smelling human waste ALL DAY yesterday! I am so grossed out right now.

Pour bleach on it...yeah right.

Dopes. :)

Our first snowfall is supposedly on its way. Our main branch is located in North Dakota, so I emailed one of my coworkers over there and asked her about it since it was supposed to hit there this morning. She said it was just starting to snow and they were predicted up to 9 inches. NINE INCHES PEOPLE!! It was just seventy degrees there yesterday!! What the hell is up with America anyway??

Two days ago we made history by electing our fist African American (well, okay, only HALF AA, half white) president. I only hope the assassination attempts stop. No joke intended.

And YES, I voted. But I want everyone who talked me into it to feel bad about it. I had to go on my birthday, the line was long, AND come to find out after I filled out the registration, that my name popped up on some list denying my right to vote!! It turned out to be something stupid, but it was all because of some elderly lady running the polls that didn't know what the heck she was doing. Volunteers are great and all, but can we train them a little first???

Finally have my thank you cards from the wedding in the mail, and if anyone complains about how long they took they can kiss my pregnant ass. I took the time to hand write over 200 of them. I know I am a little heavy on the language today, but I don't care. It's Thursday, and if you give a shit get off my blog, you know?

Hopefully shoveling out the apartment this week.

Write more later!!

Kristi Rufener

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Happy Bleeping Birthday!

To me.

Today I am 23! Even though my five year old told me I was thirty this morning. I love her anyway.

Just thinking that I need to have a Lia Sophia party this month before Christmas rolls around. Speaking of which:

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I hope that worked... If it DID it is supposed to be a Christmas ticker. If it didn't, well, I'm too lazy to come back and delete it for now.

Kevin's parents are celebrating their 35th anniversary this Sunday, so we got them a book all about the year they were married. It is really neat! A little on the pricey side, but worth it.

No special plans tonight- my dad is taking me to state street to get gyros, and then we are having cake at their house. I admit, the one thing I was hoping to get for my birthday is tickets to see the Transiberian Orchestra in Madison this year, since it is the last year they are playing and I just KNOW they are going to be awesome! I will have to wait and see. Other than that, there is nothing else I really want. Well, money I suppose, but who doesn't want that? Hubby even joked about getting married again just for the money. I promptly told him if I ever got married again it would be for money. And I wasn't talking about the gifts. HA! I bet he won't mention it again.

I already have two of the best presents this year- its the first time EVER that it is going to hit 70 degrees on my birthday, and the STUPID ELECTION is going to be OVER today!! You know what that means??? It means is going to be a LOT more quiet... They won't have candidates to bash on. Although, they will probably spend the next four years bitching about their candidate NOT winning.

Who am I voting for? Well, assuming I even get the chance to vote (on my way to work this morning there were considerable lines everywhere, and the polls didn't open for another hour yet), I am still keeping it a secret. I don't feel the need to have to explain myself to the general population concerning which person I am voting for and why. And I certainly don't look down on anyone else or think they are an idiot for choosing who they choose; I think they are an idiot for choosing someone because of WHY they are choosing them.

Do we even need to go into it?

Okay then.

Talk later!

Kristi Rufener