Tuesday, November 11, 2008

And She Used the Word THREATEN!

My item to add to the mommy list is this today:

"You gag when other kids puke, but don't hesitate to catch it with both hands when you see your own child about to lose it in someone else's Escalade."

For any of you that don't know the situation between Rebekah's biological father and I, here is the dee ell:

Craig and I dated briefly in high school. He always made me laugh, and was always nice. His family was a little on the "poor" side, but I never thought much of it at the time. He has two little sisters named Angela and Bailey, and one older brother named David, who has a child of his own.

Here comes the part of the story that gets a little wild- during the time that we were dating, I was on the pill form of birth control. We used protection. I got pregnant.

My mom knew before I did; which, come to find out later in life, is actually NOT an uncommon thing. She begged me to consider other options such as abortion (no, I did not in any way just say that she WANTED me to have one, she just wanted me to think about it since I was only 16 at the time). She would tell me later that while I was sobbing on the kitchen counter that I told her I could never do that to "her".

My daughter was a four week old fetus at the time.

Telling my parents I was keeping my baby was the hardest thing I have EVER had to do. My parents sat down with Craig and I, and we discussed the whole thing, after which Craig himself tried to talk me into an abortion. I gave him the ultimate- it is MY body, and it is MY decision. I don't care who disagrees with that. I also told him if he wanted to leave that I could do it on my own.

Months went by, and I rode the rollercoaster of emotions that comes with pregnancy amplified by the fact that my dad wasn't speaking to me much, and that I felt like I wasn't really "allowed" to be excited about this baby I was carrying who kicked me for the first time at midnight on my birthday.

After Bekah was born, I was thrown into the most eye opening experience of my life; the Wisconsin court system. They bullied me into telling them who Bekah's father was since he didn't sign the birth certificate at the hospital. When I gave them the information and we went to court, Craig surprised me by demanding a paternity test. That was the point I lost ALL respect for him. I was with him 24/7 and he had the nerve to demand something like that? Once paternity was established (sorry, no Jenny Jones or Jerry Springer storyline here) they enforced child support and Craig demanded visitation. Up until that point he had only seen her a handful of times since she was born. And every time he would come see her, he would spend that time holding her and screaming at me. I spent so many nights awake worrying if she was old enough to pick up on the tension between us. I told the court that I was concerned about his instability and his anger issues, but they brushed me off and awarded him 4 hours of supervised visitation a week.

We haven't seen him since. Who won that war?

Fast forward two years and Kevin comes back into my life. Here is this "boy" barely out of high school who jumped into this relationship (to be fair, we have known each other our entire lives, and even "dated" back in junior high) with a two year old and picked up like nothing had ever happened. This was a guy who didn't even WANT kids, and now wants more of them!!

We were together for three years before we got married and will be celebrating our fourth year together this January.

Soon after we were married, Kevin started pushing to adopt Bekah. This I was nervous about, considering I didn't even know how to go about finding Craig since we hadn't seen or heard from him in over five years. Hubby was adamant though, and rightfully so. It turns out that even though we are married, since he is not legally her father he has no say in any medical issues that might come up with her. So I agreed to meet with a lawyer, which brings us to today.

We met with her last night- her name is Jessica, and she is actually a customer of mine at the bank I work at! She was very nice and reassuring. Our first step is to dictate a letter to Craig offering him an "out"; we will erase the back child support he owes, and relieve him of any future responsibilities if he signs over his rights. Otherwise, we are suing him for complete custody and higher payments INLCUDING his back child support. The word she used instead of suing was threaten though. I knew I liked her!

The only concern I have is that he could fight this and we could end up with a mess. I asked her flat out what his chances of seeing her are if he fights it, and it turns out they are pretty minimal. Even if he DOES fight it, there is no way he can afford a lawyer, AND he is an insulin dependant diabetic who doesn't even take care of himself.

I know how harsh I sound, but honestly I don't care. He had FIVE YEARS to try to pick up the pieces he spread around. And I am sick of the lies about how I stopped him from seeing her. So here is the truth once and for all:

He is a sorry excuse for a human being who no longer deserves to see her EVER again. He couldn't pick his own child out in a crowd. He wasn't there for her first step, first tooth, and he certainly didn't sit up with her all night when she was sick.

The total fee for this whole thing?

Child Support: $147 every two weeks.
Lawyer fees: $600-$1500
Knowing your daughter has a last name and a family she can be proud of?

Kristi Rufener


  1. Ok so please keep this updated!! Sometimes I wonder why people like your X are even allowed to breath! How could he not love that little girl and want to be a part of her life!! And your husband must be some kind of superman to just come in and love her like he does! Not that it takes much to love a little girl like her, but he is a wonderful man! Being the fantastic mother, friend, person that you are you deserve to make your family complete and to have happiness!! After all you do for people I know that things will turn out for you!!!

  2. Beals, you are the best friend a girl could have. Thanks for your positive outlook all the time. :)

  3. She's better off without him. I guess no one in his family cares either. If I knew I had a niece or granddaughter out there somewhere I would want to care for her.


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