Just when you think you are at the lowest of lows and you can't see the silver lining in your clouds, something miraculous happens.
When you think of miracles, I'm sure you picture this absolutely breathtaking moment, complete with butterflies flitting around an open field of wildflowers, and the overwhelming sense of God's prescense.
Here is the truth to THAT myth-
I was standing in the kitchen yelling at my oldest daughter to for-chrissake-get-her-jammies-on, and I-won't-tell-you-again, and if-you-don't-hurry-up-I'm-going-to-put-them-on-you-and-that-will-really-piss-you-off, and making Charlie's four dose medicine bottle in the kitchen, with her dose of Gabepentin being dispensed, when Kevin yells at me from the living room.
"Hey, Kristi, you gotta come here and see this!"
I am rushing to get the correct dose of meds in her bottle, and at the moment had the Gabepentin upside down in my left hand and was pulling back on the teeny tiny syringe, concentrating.
"Just a minute, hon."
"No, RIGHT NOW!"
I sighed, exasperated, and went running into the living room, medicine bottle in hand.
"What?!" I demanded, frustrated.
And then it happened.
No singing birds, no ray of sunshine, just my husband and my baby, and her legs. Kicking!
Apparently, God didn't get the message about how miracles are supposed to happen.
Because there I was, speechless, about to drop a thirty dollar bottle of medication in an area littered with Charlie's latest drooly onsie, a dirty diaper, and a pair of latex-free gloves.
Some "novel" setting for something wondrous to happen.
My husband gently took the Gabepentin bottle from me, and went back into the kitchen to finish making her bottle while I stood there in awe, watching her flex her left leg up to her hip and then thrust it back down once, twice, three times. Then the right leg. Then both at the same time.
And the tears are welling in my eyes, and I can't stop them. The indescribable joy I felt at seeing those legs move is second only to the joy I experienced when she was born.
I rubbed my eyes and tickled a foot, just to be sure this moment was real- I had to feel her. And she grinned and flexed her toes, and pointed her foot just like a tiny ballerina. The whole while looking at me like, "What's the big deal, mom? I have this situation completely under control. You NEVER should have doubted me."
Kev finished up the bottle and crept up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and whispering in my ear. "I saw her do this already the other night, but I knew you wouldn't believe it until YOU saw it."
And it's this exact moment where all my doubts about being a parent and not being able to protect her have flown out the window.
For the first time I am starting to see C A N C E R as a blessing. Can you believe that?
When she was first diagnosed, it was horrific.
I will admit that Kevin and I even got to the point where you start to wonder if you would sacrifice your marriage for your children. And here is the answer to that- You Don't Have To.
You make it through the hard times, and you come out stronger. And you see this gift that God gave you, and you look at what you have overcome- Yes, even in a month's time- and you look at your husband and you fall in love with him all over again.
I am happy to report that for the rest of that day, and every day since then, Charlie has been moving her legs more and more. Just yesterday I had her on the floor, and she was kicking them because the dogs were by her, and OH! how she LOVES puppies.
She was pulling Ellie's soft beagle ears, and running her hands over Logan's fur again and again. He liked it so much, he plopped down right on her head. Don't worry, she was overjoyed at the feeling of his silky Siberian Husky hair on her bald baby noggin.
The thing about Charlie moving her legs is that she also LOVES her feet.
Unfortunately she can't quite reach them to her face, so mom has to help. I happen to know first "hand" that those toes are DELICIOUS and keep telling her so in the hopes that she will want them bad enough to find out.
Grandma Shirley stopped by yesterday to take drop off Charlie's baptism gift (a beautiful Noah's Ark snow globe) and took Bekah with her when she left. When they came back (with Grandpa Doc in tow) Bekah's hair was four inches shorter- and UBER ADORABLE!
Here she is cheesing her new haircut:
I LOVE LOVE LOVE it! Now we don't have to worry about any more snarls! Why didn't I think of that?
Today is a good day. It probably won't stay that way (I don't expect it to, we are far from done with our journey), but I want these memories to stay etched in my head forever.
There is something about waking up every morning with the people you love the most.