Hospital Day 6

It was an absolutely fantastic day today. One I think was due to us. Charlotte was all smiles and giggles.

Lisa Keller stopped by today to give us a run down on all of the things we will have to be careful of upon our discharge. One of the things that was an absolute no-no was mold. And I froze.

"You mean as in she can't be exposed to it at all."

She shook her head vehemently. Absolutely NO MOLD.

Well, crapola. Our apartment is 3/4 drywall, 1/4 mold. Last time they changed our siding, it rained and leaked into the entire west side of our apartment, and BAM! Mold.

So I guess a call to the landlord is in order, and a temporary stay at my parents house until we figure out what's going on.

Tonight Kali is showing us the ins and outs of flushing Charlie's PICC line, and the changing of the dressing, which I referred to Joan at the Belleville Clinic...she just doesn't know it yet. That part makes Kevin and I nervous, so we are trying to avoid it as much as possible. Still learning it though, just in case.

I realized today that I probably hurt some feelings two posts ago, and I think I need to address it here.

My post on Sunday was a totally irrational post. Something I thought maybe my readers would have recognized when they read through it, and something I addressed on yesterdays post.

I was completely out of my mind- something that comes and goes in the hospital. We have REALLY good days, and we have REALLY bad moments. Moments that make you doubt yourself as a parent, and moments that you start thinking must be someone else's life because you can't really fathom how you arrived at this point in the first place.

It is really hard for me to word the way I feel sometimes without hurting feelings, but I didn't want to change anything I had written so that when I looked back at this blog a year from now, I could sort of laugh about how I felt at that moment and think something like, wow, I can't believe I felt that way, it really wasn't that bad.

So I would like to issue a heartfelt apology to my husbands mother, because no, of COURSE I don't really feel like that about you. I plead a moment of temporary insanity that was so insane my own husband booted me out of the hospital room.

We cannot get through this without the support of our families, both who have been so fantastic up to now. And I thank Kevin's parents especially, for the home cooked meal and for coming up to hold a baby who's personality was unrecognizable for a few days, but really just needed the stability of her family.

We should be out of here in a few days, Thursday is starting to look like the magic day; where we are leaving the stability and comfort of this hospital that has been our home, and the staff who has done something for our child that has essentially saved her life...and while I am not sure I am ready to venture out into this new journey, we really don't have a choice.

What we do have, however, is the most fabulous support system one could ever dream of. Prayers and emails from as far as England now; new friends and stories to carry with us, and obstacles that neither Kev nor I could fathom overcoming that we can now put behind us.

Now is the time to move on and reclaim our life. On to having floors so clean you can eat off of them, and bottles of Purell stashed all over the house.

It might never go back to normal-

But it will go back to "us".

God bless.

Kristi Rufener